The Elegant Cape: A year in the life of America's preeminent perpetual loser optimist

NOTE: The original title to this piece was "If you feel like someone's out to get you, they probably are". I decided to change it because I had just written down what popped into my head and it's a little "out there", if you know what I mean. Nobody is out to get me. When I spent some time thinking about it, a visual metaphor came to mind. Hence, the new title. The cape is a beautiful distraction. Inside, my soul is broken and the laughing, jovial, juvenile, and kind imbecile I project is just a shadow of who I am. Look inside the cape, and the elegance fades quickly away. And yet, I remain optimistic, hoping that one day I achieve something, even something small and insignificant. Or, something big, like saving my family. 

Ah, good old paranoia. It's an American classic with two slices of cheese and a side of Freedom Fries. The funny thing is, sometimes you are completely right to feel paranoid. I know I do, and with good cause. My little family has been having the shit hit the fan for well over a year now.

Give me a break, Twitter: Breaking 140

How much more can you people take?! This ludicrous 140-character limit is the pits and a half. Sure, it was all about SMS integration back when SMS was more than just a megaphone for your carrier to tell you you've used up all your 4G. Now, everybody uses Telegram or Messenger or WhatsApp or SnapChat or something. SMS wasn't the solution and Twitter sure as hell ain't doing anyone any favors by desperately clinging to that long dead horse. 

Oops! Your tweet is too long. You'll have to be more creative.

That's just a cop out. Grow up, Twitter! You figured it out for DMs, now do it for regular tweets. You don't have to open the floodgates, just make the limit 500 or something. 140 is insane!

Message to HP: I really hate you, so stop trying to make me love you again

In all honesty, I used to love HP, but not for the reasons you might think. Their enterprise and server gear has long been solid, including their desktop and laptop products. I have much experience with many years of such equipment. That changed for me a few years ago when I purchased a brand new HP ProBook 4540s. Aside from the display being of lower resolution than I wanted, the machine was a 15.6" mid-range powerhouse. It has a 2.5GHz 3rd-gen Core i5, 8GBs of RAM, 750GB drive, all of the expected widgets for connectivity, and hybrid graphics featuring Intel HD 4000 for mundane stuff and an AMD Radeon HD 7650M with 1GB of RAM. That last item would be perfect for my gaming needs, which aren't cutting edge, but can tax integrated systems. I thought I'd found my soulmate, and at $600, a thrifty value, too. 

How To Behave In Public - Water Fountains

Water is the single most important component for life on Earth. 70% of the human body is made of water. If you place your ear against a person who is jumping up and down, you might even be able to hear some of that water sloshing about. Isn't science fascinating? In order to live, a human must drink at least two gallons of what every day. Fortunately, American scientists armed with this knowledge were able to invent one of the most important devices we have in today's society.